As seen intoday’s press
In a bold and controversial move, the Labour Government has announced the return of the public stocks — revamped for the digital age — as an alternative punishment for low-level offences such as benefit fraud and tax evasion.
Dubbed the “Modern Stocks Scheme,” the initiative will see offenders placed inside secure plexiglass enclosures in town centres, shielded from physical harm but not from public humiliation. Instead of rotten vegetables and stones, members of the public will be able to purchase virtual “gunging items” via a dedicated mobile app, which will trigger automated spray mechanisms within the enclosure.
App users will have access to a menu of “flavours” and colours to suit all budgets — with premium choices such as “Dog Poo Brown” and “Baby Nappy Green” costing significantly more than economy options like “Ripe Tomato Red.” Novelty scent-mist options range from the budget-friendly “Mum’s Fart” to the pricier “Dad’s ‘Leave It a Few Minutes.’”
A Justice Department spokesperson said the initiative represents “a bold new approach to restorative justice,” combining punishment with public engagement, all while freeing up prison space and generating income.
“The justice system must adapt,” they said. “This scheme delivers accountability without burdening the taxpayer — in fact, it helps fund essential services.”
The Treasury has voiced its support. “Any measure that offsets cost and brings in revenue is welcome,” said a Treasury insider. “This is smart punishment in tough economic times.”
Public Spectacle or Public Shaming?
Not everyone is applauding. Critics, including civil liberties groups and mental health advocates, warn the policy risks dehumanising offenders and creating a culture of mob shaming.
“This could have catastrophic long-term consequences,” said one campaigner. “We’re talking about people who made mistakes — often out of desperation — now subjected to ritual humiliation. It’s a recipe for social breakdown.”
Concerns have also been raised about potential confrontations between “gungers” and families or supporters of those in the stocks — now colloquially dubbed “stock fodder” by segments of the tabloid press.
Despite the backlash, local authorities see potential for economic regeneration. The Local Government Association has backed the scheme, suggesting it could breathe new life into town centres.
“Stock Days could be a crowd-puller,” said an LGA spokesperson. “This is an innovative way to bring people into town, drive local commerce, and create a sense of community. It’s win-win — the perpetrator avoids prison, the public gets involved, and councils get footfall.”
Streaming Justice
In a further twist, Amazon has reportedly secured exclusive streaming rights to the stocks, with viewers able to access crime details and “gunging stats” through the X-Ray feature on Prime Video. The first season, tentatively titled Justice Splashed, is expected to launch in early summer.
One Reform UK backbencher (a former Conservative minister) said: “Frankly, I’m jealous. This is the kind of populist, eye-catching justice policy we should’ve done years ago.”
The Murdoch press has also given full-throated backing to the scheme, with The Sun running the headline: “You Gunge, We Win!”
Meanwhile, reports suggest that other traditional punishments are being considered for modern reinvention — including the ducking stool and the scold’s bridle.
With trial runs of the modern stocks due to start in pilot towns next month, the government is preparing for both enthusiastic uptake — and inevitable controversy. As one anonymous official put it: “This is either the future of justice — or the beginning of chaos.”
Only time, and perhaps a few litres of synthetic sludge, will tell.